a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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