me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
