yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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