P.S. I can't hear my feet
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
