Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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