he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
