I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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