plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
