When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
