At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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