And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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