And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
