Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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