guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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