How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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