You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
