drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
