So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I've blown a few things in my day
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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