For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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