i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
