I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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