Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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