Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I did not marry a roomba.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
