You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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