and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
