hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
