you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
