Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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