boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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