I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
