I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
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