took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
