More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
