There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
