I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
