farters have to be the big spoon...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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