I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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