he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
