why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
