Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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