Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
