I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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