Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
