can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
