remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
