Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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