who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
