Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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