I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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