we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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