Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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