And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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