Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
