It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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