i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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