I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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