i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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