my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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