What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
