i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
In America we eat man semen.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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