she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
