I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
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Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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