There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
