You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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