tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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