He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your cock deserves a montage
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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