you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
